Warming Up To Cold Sex - 5 Ways To Jump-Start Your Sex Life
In the ideal world, we should all be getting the right amount of sex that we want. In reality, at different stages of our life, we’d all have some sort of road bumps that makes sex difficult. It could be due to pregnancy, starting a new job, the loss of loved ones, childbirth, being sick, being laid off at work, the list goes on.
The reasons for not having enough sex (if at all) are many and it could be mental, emotional, physical challenges or all three of them at once. If a couple has discussed it and are both fine with the frequency then there isn’t a problem. It's not a lack of sex that's the issue, it's a disjointed level of desire between two partners that is - when one partner wants sex and the other doesn't.
We're hard-wired for connection as humans and we crave intimacy in our relationships. Sex is a powerful intimacy-builder. Over the course of our research for Juicy Missy lubes, we’ve heard first hand from many couples who are experiencing problems with intimacy, some of them are in a sexless marriage and they’re not alone, it’s actually very common.
The problem occurs when people don’t talk about the sex that they want to be having either because they don’t know how to broach the subject or they are unwilling to. The lack of honest communication frequently results in a mismatch in expectations which then leads to unmet needs. When the person who desires sex more asks and initiates only to be met with constant rejection, they start to feel rejected on a personal level and they slowly stop asking because no one wants to face rejection repeatedly.
Sex in a loving relationship is a giving and receiving of pleasure, intimacy and trust. It’s a basic fundamental need of a human being and a reaffirmation of mutual caring for your partner. So if it goes away, we are deeply affected by it and grieve its loss. Instead of doing nothing about it, here are 5 ways to jump-start your sex life again.
Honest and open communication.
Honest and open communication may sound easy but it can actually be one of the hardest to do even with your loved ones. It requires that we bare our souls and become vulnerable, to fully trust in your partner to be there for you and accept you for who you are with all of your needs and wants. It has to be done though so muster up your courage and explain how you feel about the amount of sex you’re getting or not getting. The sooner you bring it up with your partner, the better. Often, the partner with a lower sex drive isn’t aware much less than understand the hurt caused by rejection and lack of physical intimacy.
Explain how much you miss the physical expression of love in your relationship. That it's painful or perhaps even humiliating to feel he or she isn't interested in being close to you. That sex is important. Having said that, recall a positive sexual experience with your partner. Oftentimes sex has gone cold because it’s not been associated with enough pleasant memories, so think back to a specific time where you and your partner had fantastic sex. Try to recall all of the details of that time – where it all happened, how both of you felt, how it all began, the kisses, the smell, the taste, the feel of your partner’s hands and lips on your body. Savor all of the little details from this experience, delving as deep into your memory as possible then notice how your body feels and your mood changes as you recall those details.
Just do it. Stop making excuses and start making an effort.
If you're the low-libido partner, sometimes, you just have to just do it in order to feel desire. If you can't get into the mood, you can touch, kiss and pleasure your partner in other ways—masturbation or oral sex are both ways to get each other off without the need for penetrative sex. If your sex life has stalled for a while, rather than set a high goal of immediate earth shattering sex, commit to one small step at a time to build it up slowly, ask yourself what’s one small thing that you can both do easily for a start. Usually when couples are not having sex, it is almost always the case that they don’t touch or kiss as well. So start from a gentle cuddle during bedtime, a hug when you come home from work and a kiss when you leave home.
Kissing activates the same pleasure centers in the brain as sexual activity. Therefore the act of kissing frequently preludes sex. It is an important part of foreplay and a great sensual activity to revive intimacy and closeness
Get creative to reignite the spark.
One of the main reasons couples are sexless is because sex has become routine, boring and predictable. If we had the same food everyday, we would get sick of it quite quickly no matter how good it tastes. Similarly, we need variety in our sex life so we could create anticipation and excitement to activate our desire.
You don’t need to go all BDSM if you have always been doing vanilla sex. Sometimes, mixing it up a little is enough to reignite the spark. But first, get the chores, kids, work and whatever it is that’s taking up your time for each other out of the way.
Put the kids to bed earlier, or leave the kids with a nanny to carve out time for just the two of you. Skip the chores - those dishes can stay in the sink for one day without turning to dust and that email can wait until after you’ve had mind blowing sex.
Watch a sexy movie together and it doesn’t have to be porn! Movies like “The Secretary” or “Two Moon Junction” can create sexual tension to really get you going hot and heavy after a while. Recall the moves that used to turn each other on, try out new moves or even introduce toys to spice things up. It’s true what they say - variety really is the spice of life.
Overcoming physical limitations.
We all slow down with age and our libido changes at different stages of our life. Having a healthy and fit body is necessary for good sex as you do need a certain level of physical endurance to get great sex. If one party has slowed down or both of you want more action between the sheets, then a complete physical workup and exercise regime should be one of your top priorities to get those muscles and stamina built-up as soon as possible.
If physical fitness is not the problem but rather physical limitations such as being unable to secrete enough lubrication for women, coming too quickly or being unable to maintain an erection for men, there are always ways to help.
For ladies, if you have problems getting wet enough despite wanting sex, then using personal lubrication will aid greatly in having satisfactory sex, after all no one wants painful penetration! If you’re too shy or don’t know how to broach the subject of using lube, then using discreet lubrication which are capsules containing lubricant that you insert into your vagina (or rectum) 10-15 minutes before sex works as well! The capsule lubricant will melt inside slowly to release the lube which gives the impression of you getting wet while the foreplay is going on and your partner will be none the wiser.
For men who come too quickly, depending on the severity, you could self-help with a delay spray which contains natural ingredients to desensitize your penis to help delay ejaculation and at the same time improve blood circulation to maintain the hard-on for longer. If the problem is more severe, then consulting a doctor and getting a prescription for Viagra can help greatly too.
Keep at it! Put all you have learnt to good use.
Tackling a sexless partnership whether you’re married or not is never easy. Instead of letting tension and resentment build-up over time, reach out actively to your partner and express your feelings in a loving way before you start to feel rejected and unattractive which can cause you to shut off or even turn away. If your partner is speaking to you about his or her needs, remain open-minded, respectful and receptive to their emotional and physical needs.
Finally, if you’ve tried out our suggestions and seen a revival of your sex life. Keep it going! The more sex you have, the more sex you want. There’s science behind it! Having sex allows your body to reproduce more sexual hormones that can remind you that you like sex, enjoy making love, and want to do it more often. Conversely, the longer you go without sex, the more you feel you aren’t interested in sex and the happy memories start to fade away. Do not let the flames of desire extinguish ever again because sex is the best aphrodisiac!
